Rule: Love is being there when times are hard.

About 6 months into my relationship with Steve, I started to notice that I developed two strange bumps above and below my left eye. I went to my optomotrist and they claimed that they were internal styes. No big deal, I went on antibiotics and they told me to put hot compresses on the eye to reduce the swelling. After a week of literally putting a hot potato on my eye wrapped in a damp washcloth (their suggestion---Steve called me "Spuds"), the bumps were not one bit better and I called my doctor back again. They told me to continue with the compresses for another week, but I had a sinking suspicion that there was more to this than met the "eye". We did this "dance" for another few weeks, my going back to the doctor again, and the "experts" prescribing the "potato cure". Finally, after 6 weeks of this nonsense, they sent me to an optholmologist to check me out. After everyone in the practice looked, they called this a "unique" situation (NEVER good in medical terms)and referred to to an optholmolic facial plastic surgeon. I didn't have to be a rocket scientist to know that I was going to need surgery for whatever was happening to me. I went to a brilliant doctor who sent me for a battery of tests, catscans etc. and was diagnosed as having two tumors that were growing on my upper and lower orbital bones!...They had no idea if they were malignant, but would run a biopsy on the tissue behind the bone to determine such. Surgery was scheduled for two weeks. My stepdad volunteered to take me to the hospital, but Steve said that he just assumed that he was going to do it, and wanted to do it(love him). What impressed me more was the fact that his family was up for a visit from Florida at this time, yet he cleared everything on his schedule to be with ME. He is really a funny guy, and he kept my spirits up the entire time before I was wheeled away. Here I was, no makeup, no hair done, black and blue eye after the surgery, and he didn't even wince. ;) My surgeon did amazing work and there is literally NO scar, whatsoever around my eye. Steve spent the next two days staying with me, putting frozen peas on my face for swelling (back to the vegetables!) and just being there. I knew from this whole experience that this would be a man who would support me, no matter what in my life. It's easy to love when everything is "coming up roses", but to REALLY love, is to be there when things get "complicated." This was quite an affirmation for me in the terms of our relationship. Why this all happened to me, I will save for my next post.

Rule:Love can come at any age.

Just as I was beginning my relationship with my boyfriend, my stepfather was suddenly becoming a little less "visible"....Easy for me to track his comings and goings because we live next door to one another!....My mother had been deceased for about 7 years at this time and he was still going to bereavement counseling...He also is quite involved in the church, so he used that as a support as well... One evening when Steve was on his way over for dinner, I mentioned to my stepdad (who has been in my life since I was 6) that I met a really great guy and he was on his way over....Well, THAT was when my 71 year old stepdad decided to mention that he ALSO met a special lady and they had been dating for a few months!!!....I had conflicting feelings regarding this...Most of me was thrilled that he was opening up to the possibility of loving again, and another part of me was crushed that he was moving on from my mothers memory....I hid the "crushed" part well and told him how happy I was for him.....He took me out to dinner a few weeks later to meet his new interest and I REALLY liked her...Lovely, interesting, cultured...And a younger woman....61!!!!....a nice match indeed for my "crabby" (this is putting it mildly....my stepbrothers and sister would concur on this decription-ha!) stepdad... He shared with me that they met "online"...Holy "all thats wrong with the world!".... Talk about a surreal parallell...Well, Flash forward...On May 5, 2010 (Cinco de Mayo) they celebrated their one year wedding anniversary!... Proof positive that if you accept love into your life, you will find love, at ANY age.

Rule: "Look" outside of the box.

When I met my boyfriend, I NEVER seriously dated anybody who was divorced AND had a child....His son is young (12 now....8 at the time), therefore, the mom is VERY involved and in the picture.I almost thought that this might not be a situation I'd be confortable with, but something told me that this relationship was going to be worth it's multi dimensional aspects.... Good things don't always come to you in the "package" that you expected them to.....I love that Steve that never once spoken of his ex in a derogatory manner....There is nothing but mutual respect....I have always been the take the high road" type of person that feels that it is SO much easier to just be nice to people, rather than hold on to negativity and jealousy....I first met his ex about 4 months into our relationship....I come from a family that is quite demonstrative, therefore it felt right to give her a hug upon our meeting....She and Steve had been divorced four years by the time that I met him, so there certainly wasn't any unresolved drama to contend with...She and I have always been friendly with each other....Though the past year has evolved to a rare but wonderful dynamic....We've shared some holidays together and she actually bought me a lovely necklace for Christmas this year!....I have picked out her Mother's day and B-day gifts for years now, because (firstly, I have my BA in shopping!) I think it's healthy for Steve's son to see that we CAN all get along, for his sake (and MY sake)....Her boyfriend is a great guy and the four of our paths cross frequently...On Superbowl Sunday, the four of us watched the game together as Kyle and his friends hung out in the basement family room)....Who would have seen us HERE 4 years ago?!...If I go to a baseball or hockey game, I sit with her in the stands (Steve coaches...He's not in the bleachers)...It's interesting, because when any of the sports moms meet me, not knowing the facts, I'm absolutely treated like the person who broke up the marraige by the other moms(couldn't be further than the truth)...I have always been a girl's girl, with many strong female friend relationships in my life; so I KNOW when a woman isn't feeling warm and fuzzy towards me-ha! I realize that people have a hard time accepting what they don't understand... It's more common for divorce situations to have "players" who loathe...I was out of my comfort zone initially but as time moved on, it just got easier and easier, and now it's actually enjoyable!....I am SO happy that I took this leap and "looked" outside of the box!

Rules for Internet Dating: Part One

Trust Your Instincts...I tease my boyfriend that I "bought" him online.When you reach a certain age, you just aren't meeting people "out" anymore. I knew that the right person wasn't going to show up on my doorstep or in the grocery store (like every "where to meet guys" article indicated-ha!), so I took matters into my own proactive hands and decided to "try" it out. I was SO apprehensive and scared about the whole process. You can meet quality people or you can meet "the sludge", just like meeting in a more"organic" fashion....My first online date was a hot mess. I knew immediately that I was in no way, shape, or form attracted to him, BUT I gave 6 more dates to say "Next!"....All of my friends told me to "Give it a chance", but I now say, "Trust your instincts". Attraction to someone is not just in the physical sense, it's something about their personality as well. You might not be able to put your finger on the particulars, but you just KNOW when its there. It's a chemical connection. By the 6th mediocre date with this guy I found out that he had three children that he forgot to mention!? Who forgets to talk about their kids? Too funny. Had I trusted my instincts, I would have not wasted his or my time. When I met my BF, There was no questioning my initial reaction. I immediatley felt a mutual connection and that we were actually finishing each other's sentences. More internet rules to come (WAY too much for one blog!)

Rule: It's better to be alone than to be with someone who makes you feel lonely.

I read a book years ago called "Love, Loss, and What I Wore" This book was recently made into a screenplay by Nora Ephron. It was a quick read but extremely powerful in the messages that it sent. The author drew sketches of particular outfits that she wore for milestone events in her life...From marraige to the death of a child...Intense. One line that resonated with me was the quote, "It's better to be alone than to be with someone who makes you feel lonely." Emotional availabilty is what she was referring to. I happen to be with a man who has an exceptionally busy schedule. He has a 12 year old son who plays hockey, soccer, AND baseball, he coaches his son's Little League team, commutes to New York City 3-4 days to work (4 hours travel per day), has New York Ranger and New York Yankee season tickets, and makes time for his buddies. I can honestly say that I have NEVER felt "shoehorned" into his schedule. I always feel like a priority, and despite the crazy scheduling, we spend LOTS of time together. My 9 year relationship was the polar opposite. I remember when my mother passed away eleven years ago, he did not even come to the wake or the funeral. He sent his family "by proxy" because he had a workshop to go to for his job. I made excuses at the time to all of my family and friends who were noticing his obvious absence, "He had to go, it's his career", but let's be real, If the situation were reversed, I would have moved mountains to be there for HIM. My sister told me not the be a "vaccuum cleaner", something that "sucks up the crumbs!" How right she was! I am a girl that wants the whole loaf of bread (and some vino wouldn't hurt) to sustain me. Lesson learned.

Introduction

This is all new to me, but when I read that we had to start a blog, I obviously wondered what in the world I could write about. I reread the idea "something going on in your life right now" and it hit me. I am in a fantastic relationship with an awesome guy. Real exciting, right?! What is a little more relevant and interesting is how I came to accept this person in my life. I always considered myself a "serial dater"; a 6 year relationship, a 9 year relationship, and now a 4 year relationship. In between those were numerous boyfriends "du jour" who didn't quite make the spring cuts, but gave me good "material" nonetheless. I learned SO much from all of the people who have come and gone (emphasis on the gone) in my life; the good, bad, and sometimes ugly truths. I think that we go through certain experiences in our lives for specific and purposeful reasons. I made MANY mistakes along the way (I'm being VERY kind here), but I would like to believe that all my roads led me to where I am right at this very moment, "continuosly writing" my life story. My rules might not be of "He's Just Not That Into You", or "Sex and the City" caliber, but they are realizations that made the virtual light bulb go off in my head in regards to my personal relationships. Buckle up!, This might be a bumpy ride!