Steve and I in Spain
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Rule: Say What You Need To Say
Ala John Mayer (no relation-though his family lived literally next to my grandmother for YEARS...Mayer next door to Mayer, and NO relation!)...This "rule" is something that I have to remind myself of....I sometimes go into a passive place of "Whatever you want", or "I don't care,your decision"...I think that was just easier to flow with in my former relationship...My needs seemed to matter a tad less than his....NOW, I realize more than ever that my thoughts count equally...I clearly remember early on with Steve one Saturday we were getting together after he dropped his son off....I hadn't heard from him, and it was 6:00...I called him to "make sure" we were still getting together...He told me then and there that he NEVER doesn't do what he says he's going to do, plans or otherwise....I am exactly the same way in that respect...If I make plans with someone, short of a horrific illness, I'm there!!!....Steve has never wavered from always mastering the "follow through"....The old me would have waited and waited for the phone to ring on that first Saturday in question, BUT I had to put my own mind at ease, and I'm happy that I did so...It's ok to express when you are uncertain about things in a relationship...It's ok to ask for clarification on where you "stand", and it's ok to answer the truth when you are asked "What's wrong, you seem a little upset"....I no longer say "nothing", to let an issue slip quietly away ...I say what I need to say---nuff said.
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This is a really great rule, and probably the one that I have the most difficulty with! I am famous for holding things in and not just getting out what is on my mind. I don't know exactly what it is...probably has a little to do with being put down and berated for so many years...but I really seem to have a hard-wired interior block to speaking my mind! I really struggle with saying what I really want to say, no matter what the situation is! This is certainly something that I need to work on!
ReplyDeleteI had to wait a very long time for what I consider my first "Grown-up relationship." We talk every night and ever since he joined the cell phone generation, he talks to me on his way in....We both came into this relationship with some trust issues, licking the old wounds, needing that special person while demanding some time and space and solitude...so I think living in opposite ends of Florida qualifies!! ha ha.....I'm happy that Steve is your "follow-through" guy and that you set aside your preconceived ideas of what would and wouldn't work (son, etc.) to snag your ideal man!!! and now there's a beautiful beach in your not-so-near future.....at the office, when you are drinking your java with your colleages, and so you can continue to work in the awesome vacation topic...HAWAII IS THE ONLY U.S. STATE THAT GROWS COFFEE!!!!
ReplyDeleteCindy...ROCK ON!...I am using that one today!...I'll do anything for a laugh:)....I like to think that we get what we need in life when we can appreciate (or handle) it the most...I waited a long time to get into a healthy relationship....I met Steve in my late thirties...I look at the pre-Steve years (ha!) as not wasting my time, but rather becoming who I am...Every experience writes our "story"...Maybe you wouldn't have accepted Mr.Man into your life , say 10 years ago, if you didn't go everything that you did to get to NOW.... I like to think of it this way b/c I don't want to think of YEARS of my life being considered a waste-right?!....Lyndsey...As for the speaking my mind....I'm still working on this too...."Pleasers" want everyone else to be happy "first"...I force myself to put ME first...It's a work in progress!-but at least I'm aware when I'm doing it and try to stop...Happy Friday girlies!
ReplyDeleteand of course Obama declared yesterday, June 11th, as King Kamehameha Day...DID YOU SEE OUR SHOUT OUT FROM KAREN FOR THE GROUP 3 LADIES....
ReplyDeleteCin,I love that you give me more material to drive my friends crazy....I saw the shout-out!....We've all kept it VERY real, and it's translated to a "good read"-ha!
ReplyDeleteWoot-Woot...Group 3 Sistas....we ROCK!
ReplyDelete