Steve and I in Spain
Monday, May 24, 2010
Rule: "Look" outside of the box.
When I met my boyfriend, I NEVER seriously dated anybody who was divorced AND had a child....His son is young (12 now....8 at the time), therefore, the mom is VERY involved and in the picture.I almost thought that this might not be a situation I'd be confortable with, but something told me that this relationship was going to be worth it's multi dimensional aspects.... Good things don't always come to you in the "package" that you expected them to.....I love that Steve that never once spoken of his ex in a derogatory manner....There is nothing but mutual respect....I have always been the take the high road" type of person that feels that it is SO much easier to just be nice to people, rather than hold on to negativity and jealousy....I first met his ex about 4 months into our relationship....I come from a family that is quite demonstrative, therefore it felt right to give her a hug upon our meeting....She and Steve had been divorced four years by the time that I met him, so there certainly wasn't any unresolved drama to contend with...She and I have always been friendly with each other....Though the past year has evolved to a rare but wonderful dynamic....We've shared some holidays together and she actually bought me a lovely necklace for Christmas this year!....I have picked out her Mother's day and B-day gifts for years now, because (firstly, I have my BA in shopping!) I think it's healthy for Steve's son to see that we CAN all get along, for his sake (and MY sake)....Her boyfriend is a great guy and the four of our paths cross frequently...On Superbowl Sunday, the four of us watched the game together as Kyle and his friends hung out in the basement family room)....Who would have seen us HERE 4 years ago?!...If I go to a baseball or hockey game, I sit with her in the stands (Steve coaches...He's not in the bleachers)...It's interesting, because when any of the sports moms meet me, not knowing the facts, I'm absolutely treated like the person who broke up the marraige by the other moms(couldn't be further than the truth)...I have always been a girl's girl, with many strong female friend relationships in my life; so I KNOW when a woman isn't feeling warm and fuzzy towards me-ha! I realize that people have a hard time accepting what they don't understand... It's more common for divorce situations to have "players" who loathe...I was out of my comfort zone initially but as time moved on, it just got easier and easier, and now it's actually enjoyable!....I am SO happy that I took this leap and "looked" outside of the box!
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What a wonderful testament to adults who act like adults when it comes to the best interests of the child! As for the people who live in glass houses and are throwing mis-directed stones, just continue taking the high road!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Cindy!....I had a good example...My brother's wife's parents were divorced when she was small...Both parents married again in a short time span....As the years went on, the two parents and their new spouses got along so well that they chose to vacation together yearly...I'm not planning any trips any time soon-ha! but a shared bottled of wine together with nice conversation is right up my alley!
ReplyDeleteAdrienne, this is wonderful and I'm actually a little jealous...i wish my situation was similiar! My boyfiend actually has TWO ex-wives...yikes I know! I feel like some people cringe when they hear this! Anyway, both times, his wives cheated on him with someone very close to him(a different friend each time)! It's AMAZING he can even trust women! needless to say, there are a LOT of bitter feelings, coincidentally most of the bitterness is from the wives! Ron is a big believer in "everything happens for a reason" and tells me all the time that he is very happy with the way things turned out. He has two beautiful children that he is an amzing father to. He really ducked out of both marriages and prevailed. He has always done what is right for his kids first, (one from each marriage). He stays right out of their business and just wants to live his life peacefully. His first ex has calmed down considerably over the years, but his second ex is an absolute nightmare to deal with. I am very laid back and tolerant. I do not like confrontation. I stay right out of everyting and really try to have minimal contact with her as possible, because otherwise, she tries her best to stir things up and create as may problems as possible. yet she's the one who left and ruined thing...makes sense, huh? I think that she has made bad choice after bad choice, and instead of laying in the bed she made, she wants everyone else to be as miserable as she is, and the LAST person that she wants to see so happy is Ron. So, welcome to my drama filled life! *It's not really as bad as it sounds, though. Most of the problems that she tries to cause just roll off both our sholders and we just have to laugh. I think her antics get to me more sometimes than him, and he is really good at setting me straight! we are both extremely happy and it's all worth it!
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, "Mama drama" is more the norm than not...Steve's ex was the one who "bailed" on their marraige (won't go into the messy details), but the decided early on that Kyle would never feel uncomforatble about the divorce, or different from other kids....They worked on the particulars in year one (not without "battle scars")...Steve said that one day he just decided that he didn't want to be "the angry man" anymore....He took his own share of blame for things that transpired and I'm sure therapy helped!....It's got to be difficult for you at times BUT it just gives more affirmation to what a good woman Ron has NOW...If all of those previous situations didn't happen, he wouldn't be with you now...All roads led to YOU....As for the 2 ex's...Hey, at least you know he's the marrying kind-ha!...Talk soon A.
ReplyDeleteAdrienne,
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you and Steve are mature, respectful and respectable people. No wonder you found each other with your even temperments and open-mindedness. We have to be open to look outside the box, because the old cliche is true that nothing ever goes according to plan. What box are we looking "in" anyway? Is there a cookie-cutter perfect man out there, that's only considered so if he fits the mold? What mold? I think we all are who we are because of what we've been through, and for that we can thank their ex'es and their previous lives. Kudos on being awesome!
We try!....It really is so much easier this way....I agree with you...Most people don't end up with the person they dated at 16 (though believe it or not, I have TWO close girlfriends who DID?!); therefore there is going to be some "ex" in your past....All of those journeys lead us to who we are today -(for better or worse :)
ReplyDelete